Talk Sense to a Fool & He Calls You Foolish: Pigs in the Castle
by Theriechenbachevent
Summary: With a King who's maturity is at the level of a 4 year old child, is it any wonder that Godric and Arthur can't get along? or The one where Merlin tries to patch things up only for things to get much, MUCH worse.


**Pigs in the Castle**

The thing about warlocks, was that they were awfully bound to their emotions which in turn made living around them somewhat chaotic. Since Merlin's return from exile, Arthur was now having to contend with housing FIVE of them in the castle. How his manservant managed to escape detection in the previous years was honestly a miracle. It seemed the four of Merlin's adopted children, Salazar, Helga, Rowena and Godric were just barely in control of the powers they possessed.

Merlin managed to laugh it off every time something occurred but to Arthur it was a genuine concern. For example, within the first month of their residence at Camelot, Godric managed somehow to turn Rowena purple during breakfast one day, as he thought she was being "a troll". Not her clothes, not her hair but her entire being was purple. To make matters worse, Godric refused to tell anyone the spell he'd used on her which led to the better portion of Merlin's day being dedicated to researching reverse spells. Then of course there was the day that one of the palace maids had made Helga sad. Now that had been even worse, Merlin had graciously deigned to explain that Helga's magic was attuned to nature.

All that meant to Arthur was that he had to deal with rain clouds indoors, flooding the castle. Once again, Merlin had had to take the day off of being Arthur's manservant and court advisor and instead spend it alternately comforting Helga and trying spells to nullify the clouds. By the end of it, the castle was dry but everything was drenched. Apparently Merlin hadn't quite mastered the art of target practice just yet.

So it wasn't surprising that Arthur, though tolerating, was not having fun with the magical children running amok in his castle, a fact he'd made abundantly clear to Merlin. Of course, he may or may not have been able to keep his voice down and once or twice he may have seen Godric scowling at him as he left the sorcerer's quarters. But then again, though the child also tolerated Arthur, it was no secret that they weren't exactly fond of each other.

In fact, to Arthur, Godric rather reminded him of some kids from the neighboring Celtic Kingdom. They'd had none of the restraint that Uther so prided and insisted that Arthur conform to. As Godric also had access to magic, he was rather capable of making the King's day far more trying than it needed to be. There had been multiple occasions during which Godric had made his distaste for the King apparent.

Such as the patrol that Arthur had gone on to the surrounding outer villages with Merlin and the Knights. It was an unpleasant shock to find that his horse had the startling inclination to bray like a donkey, or that all of his provisions would turn into coal once in his hand. While the other knights had found it hilarious, he was less than thrilled. It resulted in Arthur forcing Godric to sit through four hours daily of etiquette classes with his elderly teacher. A stern man and one that was very particular on manners. The look on Godric's face after an entire week of it was enough to make the King take pity but not before the boy had to use his new found manners to request [read:beg] the ceasing of these classes. Arthur had very gleefully conceded.

Of course, Godric was never one to back down from a challenge, so he went right back to his tricks, though this time, far more subtle in nature. Sometimes, he wouldn't even need to use magic, all he truly needed, he told Merlin proudly afterwards, was a little time and some simple spices. These spices of course, were newly brought by the visiting dignitaries from all reaches of the world, and among them the strongest was pepper.

Merlin had watched, aghast and unable to do anything as the boy filled Arthur's plate of food with a healthy dose of pepper and observed with glee as the King's face went quickly red and he began to cough. The coughing was the least of his worries as it was accompanied by a rather fast flowing runny nose and sneezes so loud that Merlin half thought that the King would sneeze his internal organs out before he was finished.

Retaliation was never something that Arthur shied away from so it was only a matter of time before he apprehended the culprit and then sentenced him to four days of ballroom dancing classes. With Lady Constance. Even Merlin shuddered at the thought of that punishment. He would take cleaning latrines any day over Constance the Monstrous. Her strength was as legendary as her girth, which Merlin had the first hand experience of dealing with. She'd fainted once in his arms, well he said 'fainted' but really she'd fainted on him. He'd been trapped for an hour before one of the manservants had poked his head and caught sight of Merlin's bizarre predicament. Godric didn't like Lady Constance anymore than he had, and this much was obvious through the thoroughly dirty looks that the young man sent in Arthur's direction.

And now it had come to this. Merlin felt it was probably time that he stepped in, as much as he liked seeing Arthur get his own, he didn't appreciate being pulled between the two of them.

"Sire. If I may?" He began, as he proceeded to place Arthur's lunch on his table while the King disrobed from training. His clothing stuck to his body from sweat and the water that had been poured over the chainmail in an effort to cool down.

"Hm?" Arthur barely glanced at him as he looked over a scroll that had been given to him on their way up by Leon. When Merlin didn't say anything further, he looked up and saw the warlock looking at him with a concerned look, biting his lip in indecision.

"What is it?" Merlin blinked out of whatever thought process he was in and focused on the King who was pulling on his shoes again.

"It's just, I can't exactly help but notice that you and Godric don't seem to be ...well, getting along as it were." Arthur grimaced at the mention of the young warlock.

"Well, you know better than me that he hates me. Has since before he even knew who I was. After all, my dad started the Purge."

"Yes, but I think this has more to do with the two of you than history, Arthur." Merlin watched as the King walked past the table full of meats, fruits and breads, and snagged an apple, biting it heartily as he motioned for Merlin to continue, not necessarily paying attention since he was still reading the document that Leon had given him.

"I mean how long are you going to continue fighting him? He's a child for godsake's, one that needs to be looked after, you're making things worse by retaliating every time he does something to get on your nerves."

Arthur put the scroll down on his bed and turned to Merlin, tossing him the eaten apple, now reduced to a core.

"Exactly Merlin, he's behaving like a child, he needs to understand that there are consequences for the things that he has done. If you are asking me to stop disciplining him, then I'm sorry, that I can't do. I would stop if you took any interest in his upbringing, but seeing as youre not, I have no choice but to step in." Merlin bristled at the words, putting the goblet he was holding for Arthur with a rather loud clank.

"I am disciplining him just fine Arthur. All I'm asking is for you to consider the fact that for a King to come down to the level of a child is somewhat debilitating isn't it? I mean, he's fourteen and looking for someone to blame for his problems in life. You fighting back the same way as Godric isn't good for him either, he spends the time he should be using in Magic theory to plan pranks to pull on you."

This caught Arthur's attention, his head whipped around to catch Merlin's eye, eyes darting around suspiciously.

"What? Why didn't you tell me that earlier?!" Arthur was suddenly on his knees, checking underneath the bed, behind the armoire and in it, using a sword to pry the door open slowly from a distance. Merlin rolled his eyes, and tapped his foot, waiting for the man to calm down.

"Arthur. Arthur. Arthur." He shook his head as the King realized how he looked and slowly rose to his feet, dusting his tunic off, looking at Merlin and shrugging.

"You can never be too prepared, Merlin. He's a devil in disguise as a boy." The warlock resisted the urge to smack himself in the face. It was like talking to a wall, but he had no other option. He'd tried to broach the topic through the Queen, but Gwenivere had told him quite clearly that she had no say in matters like these. Arthur was very determined to show the boy that he could take what he was given and return it twofold.

"Arthur. You are the adult here. If Godric has a problem with you, as the King of Camelot don't you think you should perhaps try to deal with this like a King. It's probably the only way you can fix this or the entire castle is going to go through hell trying to stay out of it. Godric was insufferable when he was learning the waltz. He made Helga cry twice." Arthur blanched at the thought. After a few moments of thinking, the King sighed, carding his fingers through his hair.

"Alright. I'll try to accommodate him and ignore him. Better yet, I'll stay out his way entirely until he decides to behave like an adult. But you tell that little terror to mind himself, I'm not so forgiving that I'll let anything slide."

Merlin let out a breath of relief and bowed low, at ease now that he had Arthur's agreement to cool off this cold war that the two had going on.

"Of course, yeah, I'll make sure he watches himself. " He nodded vehemently at Arthur's raised eyebrow.

"I'll hold you to that, Merlin, I mean it." The King pointed threateningly in Merlin's face as he circled behind the table to sit down, waiting for Merlin to pull it out for him.

"He won't pull another stunt, I promise you." Merlin swore to him as Arthur sat down. Almost immediately, his chair shot up a foot in the air with a high pitched squeal, and upon landing, the chair promptly morphed into the largest pig Merlin had ever seen in his life. Arthur was so startled to be suddenly sitting on the back of a rather irate pig that he fell off in shock. It turned to shriek loudly in the King's face before turning and galloping out of the room at full speed. Hearty laughter from down the hallway past Arthur's open door left little to the imagination of who was behind this little escapade.

"No pranks starting now." Merlin amended.

"Merlin!"

* * *

Hi guys!

This is going to be the beginning of a series of different one-shots, in the world of Elladora. There were too many things I couldn't include because they didn't quite fit the narrative of the story or would have made it too long. There fore, I'm going to be posting stories to make up for it. So please read & review ! !

Keep your eyes peeled people. Every Thursday should have a new one! :)

Happy Reading!


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